Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's leading entertainers spent the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday tune about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... spoils everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the new initiative which permits foreign citizens to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" tier for $5 million. An official website promises approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "get cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining approval numbers amid financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.